This is an especially difficult post to write because of its intensely personal and intimate nature. But, on reflection, I decided that I must put aside my extreme preference for privacy and continue to reveal my journey – if I am to stay true to my initial intention to help others on the path to recovery. I recently connected with a lovely spiritual woman who is at the beginning of her sojourn to health from the odious starting point of a diagnosis of breast cancer. I was impressed that she had had the foresight to coordinate a support group online (bless social media, sometimes) to send her love and light from all parts of the world at her darkest hours. How smart and brave of her to ask for the support she needed.
Back in 2012 when I was first diagnosed, I felt betrayed, abandoned, ignored and deeply wounded by most of my friends and family, who were not able to offer support in a way that was meaningful. Existing in a shroud of fear and pain, I was not able to articulate my needs, or deflect the energy of those who rejected me because of my diagnosis. I have forgiven and moved on, after many years of deep introspection and meditation, and now understand that most people are unable or unwilling to face their own mortality, as reflected back at them in the images of the sick and suffering. Sadly, selfless compassion and maternal nurturing are not a predominant trait in our advanced civilization.
But, I digress, probably intentionally. After my conventional, AMA-approved treatment of surgery, radiation and chemotherapy, I swore a solemn oath that I would never go through the horrors of more surgery and suffering to restore my breasts to some semblance of pre-surgical normalcy. As I sit here today in post-surgical pain and malaise, I have to encourage everyone in my situation to never say never. Keep your options open, always. I am currently in week three of a six week recovery period for a major reconstruction involving two breasts and some stomach tissue (to avoid implants). Was it vanity, or a desire to embrace my spiritual being without the daily, misshapened reminders of the past? Probably a little of both, truth be told.
So, here I sit, on the mend and happily writing again. I have a short window of time to polish my manuscript and submit it to nine New York publishers and agents. I feel so blessed for everything in my life, and must give my heartfelt thanks and gratitude to my soul partner, K.
Namaste and pura vida.
Aug. 8, 2018
Judy Richter 