Let Your Love Light Shine

So much has happened since we relocated to this small, rural town in Costa Rica, I could write a book. Oh wait, I am! This adventure in paradise has been rich in characters, culture and tropical oases. In general terms, many of our dreams have been realized. But, as is the case in life, many of our worst nightmares have also been actualized.

As cancer survivors, K and I have weathered many a storm with grace and victory on our side. So for me, the hardest lesson to learn in this particular life chapter is how to deal with the negativity of others, especially when those toxics rays are directed at me personally. As an empath, every emotion, every zing of energy that whizzes by, penetrates my body and soul with an intensity that is difficult to describe to a non-empath.

Since we moved here, and more pointedly, since the home invasion, we continue to experience incredible love and support from our community of Costa Rican friends and adopted family. Sadly, the same cannot be said of most of the expats and extranjeros we have encountered here. Just yesterday, I ran into a couple who, by all accounts, I should have shunned with disgust. They were at ground zero of all of the mis- and dis- information surrounding the home invasion, and never once uttered a single word of comfort or offered a whit of help, even as K was being loaded into the ambulance, very nearly bleeding to death.

Be that as it may, I closed my eyes and searched deep within for some inner source of love and forgiveness. I managed to say hello as sweetly and sincerely as I could, only to be shunned by them as if I were some kind of pariah. The roll of the eyes of the bank teller serving me said it all. “Typical Expats.”

The knife in my heart at that particular moment was even more painful because I was still recovering from being intentionally run off the road by another extranjera who had already successfully ruined our quiet enjoyment of our private community months ago. I have avoided them, the roads and all encounters as much as humanly possible to minimize my stress and anxiety. Apparently, my caution and sacrifices were well-founded.

As I sit in meditation every day, I search for the strength and courage to understand what lesson I am being challenged with now, in this phase of my life. And more importantly, how I can master it to move on. I often wonder if the land beneath our development is encroaching on some sort of sacred burial ground, since the community we had hoped to cultivate on this little cerro has unraveled into a hostile, toxic mess. Or maybe it’s the karma of the developer, who is sitting in prison for smuggling cocaine and god knows what else. Or maybe it’s the unresolved baggage of one or more of the residents…quien sabe?

I could speculate on the external causes of dysfunction until the cows come home, literally, or I could focus on my own inner spirit, and find ways to cope, and yes, even thrive, in this world that we find ourselves enmeshed in. I used to be a runner…when I couldn’t deal, I headed for the hills. In so many ways, it’s the path of least resistance. Cowardly? Yes…but worse, it never resolves the underlying source of conflict.

In that vein, we just finished an exploratory trip to Panama, contemplating a move to a new country to start fresh without the painful physical memories that plague us as we muddle through our PTSD. But what we discovered on that in-depth tour is that changing location does not change the energetic forces surrounding us. People are people, no matter where you hang your hat.

With that simplistic epiphany acknowledged and accepted, we have turned our focus back to the here and now. We have quite consciously sought out new people to bring into our lives, with great success so far. Instead of embracing anyone and everyone who crosses our path, we have learned to be ultra selective. Not out of snobbery, elitism or pretension. But out of survival. We only choose people who radiate positive energy emanating from hearts full of love, without ulterior motives or insecurities that complicate even the most casual of relationships.

And for me, I practice every day to turn my love light on, and let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. Even in the darkest night, amidst the darkest energies…

Let it shine!

Namaste