If I didn’t believe it before, or forgot to believe it after life lulled me into a dull complacency, I believe it now and forever more: FORGIVENESS is my lesson to be learned and practiced. Daily. Hourly. Minutely. Secondly. Never to be relinquished or lapsed, even if righteousness is on my side. Not even for a millisecond when anger flairs up at a seemingly unforgiveable antagonist.
In case I haven’t been crystal clear to myself about my mission in life, I was sent a reminder this morning when I watched a movie about Mandela and the tribulations of the freedom fighters against apartheid. They had a whole lot more to forgive, unfortunately for them, than I do at this moment (and hopefully ever will…) And most of them succeeded, in spite of suffering rape, torture and pillage.
I am determined to resonate with the need to forgive so that I may live out my last chapter in peace and harmony. Anger and all of its associated negative energies is a disease…as much so as cancer or any personality disorder you can think of, such as narcissism. I truly believe my past feelings of anger, frustration and helplessness bottled up internally until they spontaneously combusted, fueling my cancer cells. No longer will I be a victim. The senior partner at my first law job constantly reminded me that there are no unwilling vicitims. No matter how much I protested to the contrary. Thanks, Charles.
Since I am determined to prevent a relapse in my mental and/or physical well being, and I am mindful now of my surroundings, both internal and external, I must, as in MUST, forgive myself first and then everyone who has “trespassed” against me. Consciously forgive. Every day. From the heart. Family, friends, childhood influences, business partners and associates, acquaintances, friends on social media, frenemies on social media, strangers anywhere and everywhere…did I leave anyone out? If so, consider them forgiven as well. As Mandela said, you can never be free until you forgive.
My head is swirling from the media noise of execution-style killings, gun control, nuclear bomb threats, peace treaty threats, presidential campaign rhetoric, anchor babies, designer babies, Tinderellas…oh my. FB has become my nemesis, blasting out every opinion from every side with a vitriol that is contagious and unrelenting. “If you don’t agree with me, then you are stupid and unworthy of my time and energy.” What a hideous cultural dynamic social media is helping to set. In stone. And speaking of social media narcissists, I think it is safe to conclude, no matter what your political leanings, that Trump is a classic one. Sadly it seems that we have regressed to a point where bullying and insulting your detractors is de rigueur…this is how we roll now. It sickens and saddens me…but that is where I must call up my reserves and forgive them all…bullies and detractors and angels alike.
I am writing a book now…a murder mystery. But my heart is telling me to switch gears and write about what is troubling me most at this moment in time…to help me process the anger and then release it with forgiveness.
I am grateful for so much in my life, and am focusing positive energy on my blessings. Especially my writing and painting. BTW, my painting of a hillside peasant in Provence selling truffles at a farmers market is almost done. That brings me joy and makes me smile. And I am thankful to report that after a relapse of the vestibular syndrome, Roxie is recovering… :))
So once again, and always, I am sending love, light and FORGIVENESS to all. Namaste…
Aug. 29, 2015
Judy Richter 