I woke up this morning in a major funk, and realized that I was absolutely dreading my 6 month exam and labs at the Mayo. I don’t think I ever dwelled on the self-pitying thought of “why me” throughout my now going on three year BC journey, until maybe now. But to clarify, I am not wallowing or morbid about my own diagnosis. I am really wondering why I am one of the lucky ones who gets to talk about life after cancer. And more to the point, actually live life in a new and better state of consciousness and being. I am a self-diagnosed survivor and proud of it.
When I got to the Mayo today, I rode the elevator up to the oncology ward with a beautiful young teenager who was plugged into her music and her own world, proudly sporting a shiny bald head. She was so beautiful, and so obviously sick, that I could not help but wonder, “why her?” Before my diagnosis, I used to think that only “bad” people contracted cancer because they were, well, bad people generating negative energy and becoming victims of their own karma. But Hitler didn’t die of cancer, and a lot of really sick and twisted serial-killer type people don’t get it, so why do good people get it?
Safe to say that I don’t have the answer to that question, but I am now a staunch believer in the importance of connecting to the positive energy flow that surrounds us and our universe. I use daily meditation to physically and spiritually connect to this powerful yet subtle current, and the effects are amazing. Even my labs proved that point…they were perfect on all counts today, ahead of schedule and impressive to the western medicine types. This despite the fact that I have respectfully declined to partake in their 10 year hormone surpressing regime, a decision that I sometimes second guess. Not anymore…
But back to the energy flow and healing benefits of meditation. I just wanted to mention that since I have become a painter (humbly, so humbly uttered), I can much better visualize the colors of the energies and direct them to different parts of my body in vivid, pulsating hues that literally overwhelm me. Color is a beautiful thing, truly and magnificently beautiful.
I am now painting (so hard to put that out there, but there it is) almost every day. And every day, as I watch the stack of canvasses grow, I wonder where my flow of words went? I haven’t written anything except this blog since that infamous burning ceremony of my novel. H suggested that perhaps the act of burning my novel opened up the creative channels to paint? I’m not going to worry about it anymore, I’m just going to do what brings me joy every day, one day at a time. How wonderful is that?! For the first time ever, I am following my bliss…which is my wish for all of you.
Love and light.
Mar. 12, 2015
Judy Richter 