As I continue my epic journey to find inner peace, conscious calm and spiritual bliss, I am consistently being confronted with the notion of fear. I have never considered myself a fearful person. Quite the opposite, acutally. My whole life I have embraced adventure and jumped off many more cliffs than even I can believe, in retrospect. I have survived, even if I haven’t always landed jelly-side-up. I never felt afraid, at least that’s what I thought. Not in the sweaty palm, jumpy nerves, lock all the doors and hide under the covers sense you see in horror films.
But there it is, surfacing every day in my meditations. Fear. In many shapes and incantations, dating back to my wee years as a curly-haired, chubby little Shirley Temple look-alike. But as I look inward and seriously take stock of myself in as non-judgmental a way as I can, I can see it as clear as day. Disguised as loved ones offering less than helpful advice (or worse, judgment), spirits of negativity convoluted by smoke and mirrors and dressed in unassuming, even beautiful camouflage. There it is. When stripped of its trappings to its very core, it is fear. Fear of failure, of abandonment, of not being worthy. Fear of rejection, of antipathy, of hate. Fear of not fitting in, of disappointing others, of not being loved or lovable. Wow…I am embarrassing myself just by exposing this incomplete list of insecurities and doubts.
The good news is that I am recognizing the dark voices and energies that have wreaked havoc on my psyche for decades and releasing them from my mind, body and spirit. In a good way, but a permanent way. In the words of Nelson Mandela, “I learned that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
Bye, bye, FEAR, with love and light.
Jan. 27, 2015
Judy Richter 