So much pain, suffering and tears in the Darkness…it’s hard to believe it will ever end, even when you know in your heart of hearts it will. I have finally achieved an upright position in bed today, with much gratitude and certainty that I will soon be up and about again. I learned some astonishingly simple yet powerful lessons in Round 5. First of all, GINGER is amaaaazing, in all of its forms. Sucking on humongous chunks of crystallized ginger chases away the metal mouth AND settles the nausea. Drinking Kombucha Gingerade Is like a magical elixir, with enzymes, probiotics and detoxifiers. And so much better for you than Canada Dry Ginger Ale, no doubt. My Vita Mix is my savior when I cannot even nibble on a cracker…my angels whip up the yummiest fruit smoothies that are cleverly disguising all kinds of vegetables, protein, nutrients, and of course, raw ginger!
When you are in the Dark Realm, all kinds of negative thoughts and feelings creep into your heart and spirit, through your conscious and subconscious dreams and fears. I was so blessed this round to have my sister by choice, Annie, with me for several days. I realized how extraordinarily powerful it was to have a caring, nurturing loved one at my side, 24/7, taking care of me, organizing my med schedule, wiping my hot brow with a cool cloth, entertaining me, making me laugh through my tears, taking care of an exhausted H, running to the store and pharmacy whenever, for whatever. It’s something that H and I have never had, through three cancers, so we did not know what we had missed. When Anne left on Sunday, I felt a terrible depression descend over my being and world. I wept for my mother like an inconsolable child…which is the first time I have done so since her death over 35 years ago. Did I miss her, or just the idea of her? All I could feel was loss, disappointment, loneliness, and anger.
Okay, so the Dark Realm can be really, really DARK. I needed to dig deep down to the roots of my soul to tap into the strength and love I knew was in there, somewhere. So, I pulled out some chocolate covered crystallized chunks of ginger and started to gather the pearls and gems of this experience, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, and string them together, one by one, on a stunningly celestial necklace. I was astounded at the beauty and bounty of the gems and pearls strewn around my bed, my being and my world. I will never be finished stringing my treasures, nor will I ever tire of picking up each one, cherishing it and then adding it to the gloriously extravagant, never-ending strand of joy and love encircling my being. I bless and cherish all who have sent me love in prayers, in thoughts, in emails, in silly cards with fun stories of childhood anecdotes, in reports on the flora, fauna and weather in Colorado, in updates on the Downton Abby and Game of Throwns sagas…every thought and prayer is powerful and healing, and will be treasured in my heart forever. Sending love and light to all!
Mar. 7, 2013
Judy Richter 